This is the last interview about DAYBREAK that I will be translating! It's pretty long but one of my favorites with a lot of interesting comments about how she was traumatized by negative comments as a young girl, and how living abroad and going through a lot of difficulties, changed her.
There were times when I thought "I wish I could do it all over again"
- I always enjoy listening to your radio show.
- I'm glad! I'm surprised by how many people listen to it.
- The episodes with Kumi Koda were especially interesting.
- I've been a fan of hers since I was in kindergarten, so when I met her in the studio, I started crying. I was worried that I was talking too much because of my excitement but I'm glad you thought it was interesting.
- Koda-san told you that she thought it was good that you were in Morning Musume when you didn't know anything about the world, and then went abroad to study as a teenager. Also that when you look back at those experiences one day, you will realize they were all useful. I thought that DAYBREAK reflected the experiences you had abroad.
- Yes. If I had written lyrics while in Morning Musume, I don't think I would have been able to look at myself from a distance. I would have been too impulsive. But in DAYBREAK I was able to combine my impulsiveness with the ability to look at myself objectively. I agree that taking some time off to study abroad and reflect on myself, helped me with this project.
- You went abroad when you were 17, right?
- Yes. I had become impatient while thinking about my future, and my personality. It's not that things weren't good. I just felt I needed to do more things and become more mature in order to broaden my horizons. I wanted to become more spontaneous, and take initiatives. I wanted to make my own decisions, so I decided to graduate at 17 and go to New York to study.
- At the time, I remember thinking "This is a really good situation for Sayashi. Why is she leaving?"
- After Sayumi Michishige graduated, I had the chance to lead the group, and we had a good atmosphere when performing, but I was dealing with my own issues at the time. It was difficult to keep pretending that everything was ok. It was bad for me, and bad for the group, because I was a leader in the group, and didn't want to give a bad impression of where we were headed in the future.
- What was bothering you exactly?
- It wasn't one thing. I was 17 and a lot of things were happening. It's a long story, but it was difficult for me.
- You studied abroad for about 2 years, right?
- I didn't speak English, so I first studied the language, and by the time I began dancing lessons, I was able to communicate in English.
- Is it true that you attended 4 schools?
- My favorite genres are hip hop and street jazz, and the dancing techniques I can learn, differ from teacher to teacher. I thought "I want to go to this person's lessons, and to this person's lessons etc." and I ended up going to 4 schools.
- The other day, YOSHIKO-sensei, choreographer of Hello! Project appeared on the youtube channel of DJ KOO and said you were the best dancer in the history of Hello! Project.
- fufu (hehe) I see (laughs). I didn't think she would say that.
- Your dancing was highly praised in Japan, but how was it in another country?
- There were of course dancers better than me, but I'm happy to say I received a lot of praise there too, mostly for my ability to feel the sound, and how I expressed myself. Even if the culture and language are different, we enjoy the same things when it comes to dancing.
- In the Morning Musume 20th Anniversary Official Book, published in 2018, you had said you were thinking of becoming a dance instructor, right?
- At the time, I didn't want to be in the public eye. When thinking about the future, teaching dance classes, or working abroad seemed more realistic options.
- I was curious, what was the most important thing you learned abroad?
- I realized how small my world was. I'm talking about my way of thinking of course. When in New York, an acquaintance invited me to meet a local tap dancer and a hair stylist, and they were all so proud of their work. And their sense of fashion was completely their own. They had pink hair, wore crop tops, had tattoos, but were honest people and dedicated to what they were doing. Meeting such people made me realize how judgmental I used to be. I had prejudices about other people, but also about myself. Meeting different people in New York made me realize I was putting limits on myself, and how I interacted with others.
- And this leads to the first song of the ep, "Find me out". The lyrics about riding the rails of unspoken rules, and hiding in the back, describe exactly what you just told me.
- That's right. In the past I wasn't able to think about my life, so it's good that I was able to deal with these issues, one by one. It's true that my experience abroad has influenced how I live now, as well as my music.
- After returning to Japan, in March 2019, you participated in Hinafes 2019.
- I was staying with my parents, and got a call about whether I would like to participate at the anniversary concert. My first reaction was that I can't just show up while the other girls have been working hard all these years. But my generation mate, Mizuki Fukumura, told me "I want us to do it together", so I did it. Thanks to Hinafes, I had more job offers, and I became more positive about the future.
- Then, in September 2020, you announced you had joined Japan Music Entertainment.
- When the agency approached me, the first thing they asked me was "What kind of work do you want to do?" My first thought was "I want to sing and dance". But of course, they are mostly an acting agency.
- Right, they have actors like Ryoko Shinohara, Kyoko Yoshine, Yudai Chiba, and others.
- So I asked "If I join the agency, will I be able to do music?", and their response was "We will support you in any way possible. If you want to do music, that's what we will do". So I agreed to join.
- At what point did you decide on your style as a solo artist?
- At first, I wasn't sure what to do. I like all genres of music, so it was hard to pick one. However, as the songs were being written, I felt we were keeping a good balance; on one hand trying different things, on the other hand, having a cohesive message. I feel what's most important is to make meaningful music.
- You have said on the radio that work which aims only at a specific audience, won't reach anyone. I feel you made use of these words when making this album. It's a project that neither runs away, nor hides, and exposes the heart of Sayashi.
- That's what I had in mind, and I'm glad that's what you received from it. I've been in this world since I was 12, and I used to think "What will people say if I write such lyrics?". But I realized these were just fears, and I decided to do what felt right.
- In "BUTAI" I like the line about having no choice, but to follow the path you have chosen.
- There's always a fear of failure when trying something, but not doing anything at all, is worse. When I compared the risk of failing because I tried, to failing because I didn't try, I thought I would be happier if I did the former. I realized that the more careful and conservative I was, the more I would regret it in the future.
- How did you make that decision?
- I couldn't have done it alone. It was thanks to the people I worked with, who encouraged me to do so. I'm glad I had the chance to meet these people and make music.
- "BUTAI" also has lyrics about remembering the trauma of the past, and going back to a time when you were not afraid of anything. What does that mean?
- When I was in dance school, as an elementary school student, all I knew was that I loved singing and dancing. But when I became part of the entertainment industry, I began getting feedback that wasn't always positive. I was a sensitive child, and those comments influenced me a lot. If I made a mistake on stage, or was nervous during a performance, I felt that I would be blamed, not just by myself, but others too. Because I was really traumatized by all that, I wished I could go back to a time when I didn't worry about such things, and only cared about giving my 100%.
- So you wanted to go back in time.
- There are times when I wish I could go back in time, audition again, and do it all over again. Relationships were much simpler when all I had to say was "Mom, Dad, I love you". But after having your first fights, or bad relationships with people, you put up defenses, and it becomes more difficult to make friends.
- Meeting people is difficult, isn't it?
- I guess that's how it is when you're an adult, but it wasn't like that when I was a kid. That's what the lyrics are about.
- So the lyrics that follow about being here because you want to see that, is your answer to this, right?
- Right. In the end, I was troubled, because I wasn't doing what I wanted. Growing up we learn of different ways to operate, but what it comes down to is doing what makes you happy. That's what I realized while writing lyrics.
In part 2, Riho talks about the biggest change after graduating from the group
A record of the "current Sayashi"
- What is the third song, "Simply me", about?
- "BUTAI" is an intense dance track, so I wanted a song where the audience could dance too. The lyrics are based on the idea of "simple living", and simplicity, along with the groove are what the song is about.
- The lyrics about how it's all up to you, and all you can do is live is very Sayashi-like.
- I think we sometimes postpone things saying "I'm tired" or "It's late right now". If that's the case, then it's better to change our environment. Time flies while we're not paying attention, and not doing anything is such a waste. That's why I wrote about how we need to make a proper use of the little time we have.
- The fourth song, "Puzzle", has a brighter sound, and changes the atmosphere completely.
- It's a song I wrote for a friend. She's a kind and reliable person, but once I noticed she was sad, and different than usual, and I thought "I wish I had noticed earlier that you have moments when you are vulnerable", and that's what the song is about.
- That's what the first lyrics in the song are about, right?
- It's not in the lyrics booklet, but what it says is that I just realized how important/special you are to me. When I first heard the track (before writing the lyrics), I thought there was a story behind it, or perhaps it just brought back happy memories. Out of all the songs that were sent in the competition that we had, this is the only one I chose.
- Was the process different with the other songs?
- Yes. For "Find me out" I wrote the lyrics first, and Gento Miyano added the music. For "BUTAI" and "Simply me", Akira Sunset and APAZZI wrote the music first, after I told them what I wanted. For "LAZER" I had long discussions with TAKAROT-san (composer) and Kami Kaoru-san (lyrics).
- That must be why "LAZER" has such an expansive sound and is the perfect song to end the album.
- When I perform live I really feel like there's a ray of light coming out of my fingertips! That's where the title comes from.
- So you put your feelings regarding singing on stage in the lyrics, right?
- Yes. There is a line about how we can't mix, but there is a moment when we do, and that moment is on the stage. The audience will buy tickets to attend the concert, while I will prepare for it, and we meet on the stage. I explained to TAKAROT and Kami Kaoru my feelings about how beautiful and unique live performances are when we were making this song.
- So that's all about the first EP. How do you feel about it?
- I am satisfied of course, but I am not sure I will keep doing the same thing. It's a record of the current Sayashi. It was also an opportunity for the listeners to learn what I have in my mind.
- In "Simply me" you talk about how we have to live our limited time properly. You give me the impression you are in a hurry to do things.
- Me? In a hurry? (laughs)
- I mean, you're only 23. You don't have to think so much about the future.
- I feel that I wasted a lot of time while being absent. There was a time when I didn't leave my house for about a week. It was easy to do nothing, but I didn't want to be like that. I spent most of my time having no confidence in myself, and my life was headed in a direction I didn't like.
- For someone so young, you have given these things a lot of thought.
- There are times when I have deadlines, and I just want to give up on everything. I feel that I'm living on the edge right now. I like being lazy, but I also like doing things, but I think, in the long run, it's more fun if I don't waste time.
- Well there are people who want to sleep all the time and do nothing.
- I also want to sleep for the rest of my life (laughs).
- I don't think that's true...
- There is a side of me that does, and another side that wants to do things.
- Is that so? My impression is that you are someone who wants to do everything in a proper way, and also someone who is stoic. I think that's why you are struggling with so many things.
- Up to this point, I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. I thought I had to be perfect in everything I did, and I pushed myself to be a person that only cared about my work, and didn't have a personal life. But I'm not like that, and I was trying to ignore who I really was. But now I have learned to accept myself, and do what's best for me.
- You can be honest with yourself now.
- Right. I used to think only of my obligations, but now I also think about what I enjoy. I may seem stoic, but I think I have changed. I used to think "How can I reach other people's expectations of me?", but now I think "How can I reach my goals?". Changing my priorities, changed my outlook on life too.
- During the last 5 and a half years, your mindset has changed a lot, hasn't it?
- I think part of it is that I'm older. But I have also been influenced by advice I have received and by my experiences.
- What has been the biggest change?
- In the past, when I failed at something, I would immediately give up. Now, I will instead comfort myself.
- So you used to not believe in yourself, but now you can be more objective about what you are capable of.
- That's right. I am finally able to confront myself. I feel I have finally found out who I really am.
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