The first update in a few weeks!
Long time, no see. How have you been lately. Is everyone doing well?
I am not so busy at the moment, and I have time to sit back, think, and absorb things. However, even though I am not busy with work, I still have a lot of stuff to do.
Today, as I am writing this column, the weather is very nice, and I am writing on the terrace for the first time in a while. I feel better, especially since I got a haircut recently.
When it's cold, we only really go out when we have to, right? I feel that my QOL (quality of life) has improved, simply by having the desire to spend time outside. (I really wanted to use the word QOL).
Ah... Speaking of QOL, I recently replaced my bike with an electric one. It was warmer the other day, and I thought I should go for a ride, and as I was cycling, I passed by a bike shop.
I was looking at the bikes in the shop, and the clerk said "You're interested in electric bikes, right?", and went on to explain how different types of bikes compare to each other, and the trade-in evaluation of my current bike. It was a difficult decision to make, but the kindness of the clerk convinced me to buy the bike there. It was probably just the way they do business, but it's fine.
Now I can ride my bike to many places. It's fun, and easy to go far now. It makes me happy that I now look forward to commuting by bike. My QOL has really improved.
Self experimentation
Now, let's change the subject. What kind of person do you see me as? I honestly don't know how people see me, but I think I am a person whose mood and personality changes easily, depending on the time of year, or even the day, or time of day. And that's something I don't like.
For example, sometimes when I am talking to "high tension" people, I feel embarrassed. Or I suddenly become shy with people I used to feel comfortable being frank with, which surprises me.
I often felt I was in the gray zone of my mood level. And I feel I have been able to exit this gray zone the last few weeks. The reason is because I have been experimenting lately, trying to prioritize my own feelings when interacting with people.
I know, it sounds like I am being selfish, but... when someone would ask me "What do you want to do?", my answer would be "I don't know", because I was thinking "What would be the most convenient answer for the other person?"
I think it's because I am afraid of being hurt if people don't like me, but I do this so much, that I don't even know what I want myself anymore.
Now, I am trying to say "no" when I mean "no" and "yes" when I mean "yes". I wasn't used to this type of thinking and behavior, and it made me feel uncomfortable for a while.
I was wondering if this is really the right behavior, but after some time, I have finally gotten used to it.
Just before I turn 24... time for change
It's a bit hard to explain, but I tend to avoid challenges that I can sense will get me in trouble. But from now on, I will try to act in a way that is more in line with my feelings. So that I can try more things perhaps. Does it make sense? I hope you can understand.
As an adult, I realize the importance of self-care, and I think I should focus more on my life, so that I can live better with the people around me. Having said that, I worry that those who read this may begin to dislike me.
Well, this was the first column in a long time, but beginning next month, I will be updating on the 28th every month. The bi-weekly updates will become monthly updates. Although the updates will be less frequent, they will definitely include more content. So I hope you will continue to look forward to them. Thank you.
Finally, I would like to end with a picture that made me realize what a big city Tokyo really is.
It's something you forget sometimes when you live here. See you next time!
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